You might have found yourself wondering when it will be all over and when the world would return to normal. It is a very understandable reaction to highly unusual circumstances. However, the more involved we become in the act of waiting, the more intense our sense of frustration. Try a simple experiment. Turn on a show that you like and set the timer on your phone to 5 minutes. Chances are that the time will pass rather fast. You have stayed focused on the action on the screen and not on the timer. Now, set the timer to 5 minutes again. You are not allowed to do anything for 5 minutes but wait. Chances are that these 5 minutes will felt very different than the five minutes you have spent watching the show.
Scenarios that might have tested your patience in the past might have included weekend cues at grocery stores, boarding delays at the airport or line ups to have your documents processed at any of the government offices. Some people find such experiences to be incredibly agitating. Yet, frustration is not likely to speed up the process. Is it justified? Yes. Some procedures could be optimized, and nobody likes being stuck. Is it useful? Not really. You’re much better off listening to an audiobook than watching the clock.
Now, a very different scenario: Imagine that your loved one is undergoing a surgery and you are sitting in the waiting room. All we want then is for someone to appear and tell us that everything is going according to a plan. That everything is OK. This situation blends the frustration of the “inconvenience of waiting” with knowing what outcome we truly want (the loved one having a successful surgery or COVID being eradicated) and yet not knowing what the outcome might turn out to be. We are no longer waiting for the time to pass, we are waiting for an answer. This now becomes an exercise in being patient, tolerating uncertainty and recognizing the difference between what we can and cannot influence. The need for situations like that to be over feels strong and creates a sense of urgency. And yet no matter how much anxiety we feel, the surgery will still take however long the surgery will take. So, a sense of helplessness might develop. You see, the more intensely we wait, the stronger the realization that all that emotional intensity fails to translate into tangible outcomes.
It is hard not to worry about a loved one undergoing a surgery and I am not advocating callousness or defeatism. If you have been personally touched by COVID and lost loved ones, your story is much more painful and deserves different treatment. But if you are frustrated with social distancing, just think of the long lines you have tolerated in the past.
Here are three tips on how to best respond in this difficult time.
It would be great to be able to return to normal but irritability with current situation is not going to speed up the process. Try slowing down your stress reaction by practicing mindfulness.
Instead of counting the days, shift attention to things that might be more useful or at least more pleasurable.
Acknowledge the anxiety behind the frustration – the new normal will be different from what we are used to. Yet, it makes sense for us to use the little extra time to hone the skills and interests we might not have had the time to work on in the past but might be pursued now despite the limitations that we are faced with.
Such responses will allow you to optimize the aspects of your life that you can influence. You are not likely to feel control over the world events but at least there are chances that you will regain feeling of some control over your own life.
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